Dumb Spidy II: Attack of the Mucus Men
by Valandil
Summary: Spiderman has been turned dumb, but will that help him in a battle against phlegm filled warriors, an evil Rudolph, and a killer Barney? COMPLETE!
1. Mansion Problems

I own Dumb Spidy. I don't own The Matrix, Disneyland, Spiderman, or any of the locations or characters of Spiderman.

DUMB SPIDY II: ATTACK OF THE MUCUS MEN

By: Goblin Hunter

Two weeks ago, Spiderman, was turned dumb by the enemy: Dark Dude. Since then, he is now a really dumb superhero, named Dumb Spidy. In fact, he isn't really a super hero. Anyway, you could read his first adventure my story: Dumb Spidy. But to understand this, you don't really have to read that. But you could if you want. Whatever. Here is the story:

CHAPTER 1

After defeating Dark Dude, Dumb Spidy has been awarded many things. One of them was a mansion. So Dumb Spidy went to the mansion.

"Wow, it's big in here! Echo!"

He yelled, yet his voice didn't repeat. He looked around, only to discover nothing.

He went in every room, and searched every where. He made his way outside. The business man who sold him it was outside also.

"Why doesn't my voice echo? And why is there no furniture?"

"Well, that wasn't part of the deal. I just gave you a mansion."

"What about the echoing?"

"Oh, well, that's why I gave you this home. You can't hear any thing in this house."

"Thanks a lot, jerk."

"Your welcome-hey! What did you say?"

"You're a jerk. Why will you give me a defective home like this?"

The two got into a fight. And it wasn't pretty. All I want to say is that after 3 seconds Dumb Spidy was laying on the ground unconscious.

The ambulance came, and saw him. Then they remembered their past adventure with him.

The ambulance drove away, leaving Spidy on the ground. He gained conscience, and thought he saw an angel. He even heard the halleluiah chorus singing in the background.

It turned to be his maid standing in front of the sun. As for the music, well, I don't know.

Dumb Spidy still thought she was an angel. He was speechless.

"…"

"Are you ok?"

"…"

Realizing that he wouldn't answer, she slapped him in the face.

"Are you…an angel?"

He kept on staring at her, but after a while the sun started to burn his eyes.

Everything went black.

"Ahhh! Your not an angel, you're from that other place!"

He started to try to fight her, but she just left him there on the ground.

"Wow. When they said that this guy was dumb, I didn't think they meant this dumb! Oh, well. I hope I still get paid."

Dumb Spidy woke up in a prison.

It was cold outside. He looked through the door to see a little elf.

"Where am I?"

The elf just looked at him and spit on him.

"Hey- that's not nice!"

"Your in the north pole. Santa needs your help."

Dumb Spidy was still trying to get over the fact that he was in the north pole. That was his #1 place he wanted to go. The #2 place is in Santa's workshop.

The elf came back with a set of keys. He opened the door and led Dumb Spidy outside.

He walked him to an old run-down building.

Dumb Spidy went inside and saw a chair. Earlier, the elf told him to sit in a chair.

So he sat in a chair. It electrocuted him. The elf heard screaming from outside, and went to Spidy's aid.

"Sorry. Go in _this_ chair."

"You could have told me that earlier!"

"Shhh. Santa might hear you. This is his workshop you know."

Now that both of Dumb Spidy's dreams have come true, he was eager to sit in the chair.

He sat down and was greeted by a bearded man.

The man said, "you have a choice. You either take the green pill which means you will join me on this challenge, or you take red pill, which means you will go home and forget what has happened here."

"Can I have a blue pill that warps me to Disneyland?"

"No."

"What about a purple pill?"

"No."

"What about a yellow pill?"

"Just take the green pill."

"Okay"

_What will happen next? Who is the man? Why am I asking questions? Find out in the next chapter! Please review. _


	2. Santa's Quest

_I own Mucus Men._

Dumb Spidy took the green pill, and the man said, "Good job. Now I have to tell you what to do."

"What? You can't tell me what to do! I have freedom. It's against the law!"

"Where in the North Pole. This isn't America."

"Oh."

"Anyway, I'm Saint Nick."

"You are! Why are you so thin?"

"STOP YELLING!"

"Hypocrite."

"Any way, Rudolph took away my power, that's why I'm thin, and he is going to use my power to get revenge on me."

"Why does he want revenge?"

"Because I put him on the naughty list."

"So you want me to get your power back from Rudolph?"

"Yes, but he put my power in nut. So you have to destroy his nut so I can have my power back."

"Yuk."

"I mean an acorn, you sicko!"

"Oh. So you want me to destroy the acorn that has your power in it so you can have your power."

"Yes, but it won't be easy. He has made an army of soldiers completely made out of his own boogers. They are called: Mucus Men. Are you up to the challenge of destroying the acorn?"

Santa looked at Dumb Spidy after finishing his speech. Dumb Spidy was asleep.

"Good grief."


	3. The Snot Cell

_I don't own Barney._

Santa slapped Dumb Spidy in the face to wake him up.

"So, are you up to the challenge?"

"Yeah, sure."

"O.K., good. You have to drive into Rudolph's booger base. Be careful, though, because Mucus Men are guarding it."

When Santa Clause was done talking, an explosion occurred.

A Mucus Man stepped out of the mist. He had the shape of a human body, but his skin was green, and covered in slime.

"We must arrest you, Spider-Man," the Mucus Man said, "because you are plotting against your future overlord, Rudolph the all-powerful. You have to come with us!"

"Who is Spider-Man?" Dumb Spidy asked himself.

"Just go! When you are in their prison, find, steal, and destroy the acorn," Santa yelled.

"O.K."

The Mucus Man brought Dumb Spidy into their Secret fortress of doom: The Snot Cell!

A Mucus Man walked Spidy to an interrogation room.

It was dark, which was bad for Dumb Spidy, since he's afraid of the dark.

"Where were you last night?" The Mucus Man asked.

"I'm afraid of the dark, do you have a night-light?"

"Answer me!"

"But I'm not Spider-Man!"

"Aren't you the one who beat the Green Goblin?"

"What's a goblin?"

"Don't play dumb with me, bub! I'll tear your arms off and use them to skewer your body to eat for dinner!"

"Ouch, that'll hurt."

"Yeah, so answer me!"

"But what's a goblin?"

"GGRRRR.."

"Hey, if you don't answer my question, I'll burn your breakfast!"

"Just answer the question, and nobody will get hurt."

"No, I will never answer any of your questions."

"Can you get anymore annoying?"

"I don't know. By the way, what's a goblin."

_What a moron. I have to get rid of this guy so no one will have to hassle with his dumbness, _the Mucus Man thought.

"Hey, do you want to meet Barney?"

"Um.. O.K.!"


	4. Barney the Dinosuar

The Mucus man took Dumb Spidy outside.

"Your squishy!" Dumb Spidy said as the phlegm-covered man took him out of the Snot Cell.

This was the first time Dumb Spidy saw the Snot Cell, and it was shaped like a giant nose.

The two went into a stadium. It was very large, and guarded by buff Mucus Men.

"Who are they?" asked Dumb Spidy.

"They are Snot Samurai. Their armor is made of hardened mucus, and is the toughest of booger materials."

"That's weird. So, when can I see Barney?"

"You don't see him, you get eaten by him."

"Boy, the times have changed. So, is he nice?"

"Well, here we are, now go into the stadium and say your prayers."

"It's bedtime?"

Dumb Spidy stepped into the large, open environment. All the Mucus Men were in the stands, cheering:

_Barney, Barney, eat that dummy!_

_Barney, Barney, eat that dummy!_

Everything went quiet. A cage was brought into the stadium.

Some Snot Samurai were opening it.

The sides of the cage fell down, squishing them. Out came Barney.

Barney was an 8 foot purple Dinosaur. He had a round head, and a big nose.

"You look funny."

ROAR!

"You need anger-management"

All of a sudden, the dorky beast grabbed hold of Spidy, and brought him into a cave.

"Don't eat me!"

"I wont."

"You can talk?"

"Of course I can, I'm just a middle-age man wearing a costume."

"Oh, Yeah, I forgot."

Barney reached for his head, and took it off. Under it was Barney's real head, the head of a human.

"So your not going to eat me?"

"Of course not. Anyway, I have come to help you. I'm on your side. 1 month ago, Santa asked me to get a magical acorn, and destroy it. So I went undercover as Barney the dinosaur. Santa said that he'll also send a superhero to help me, but are you really a superhero?"

"I guess so."

"Ok. But anyway, I went undercover as Barney and infiltrated the Snot Cell. The Mucus Men catched me and thought I was really a dino. So I ended up here."

"Cool. What's your name?"

"I am **BOOGER MAN **the booger superhero."

"You're weird."

"Look who's talking."

"Let's work together, Booger Man, and destroy the acorn. Do you know where it is?"

"Yeah. It is in Rudolph's penthouse, in his Mansion."

"He has a mansion?"

"He got paid a lot of money in his acting career."

"O. K. then. Let's work together and destroy the acorn!"

Booger Man and Dumb Spidy got ready for their new mission: infiltrated Rudolph's Mansion!

_I own Booger Man, Snot Samurai, and the Snot Cell._


	5. Secret Agent Men

_I don't own mission: impossible 3, Star Wars, or batman. _

Dumb Spidy and Booger Man got all suited up in their spy uniforms.

Booger Man went to a chest.

"Is there treasure in there?" Dumb Spidy asked.

"Why will I have treasure?"

"I don't know. But what do you have in there?"

"Weapons."

"Oooo. Like a missile launcher, or a shot-gun, or an automatic shotgun…"

"You don't know anything about guns, do you?"

"What's a gun?"

"Boy, your stupid."

"I'm not a boy, I'm a man!"

"Well, I don't have deadly weapons in here. Well, they are deadly to Mucus Men."

"What are they?"

"I have a snot grapple, that shoots a strand of elastic snot, I have a booger cannon that shoots a booger bomb that explodes on contact, and I have mucus gun, that shoots boogers."

"How are they deadly to Mucus Men if they are boogers?"

"These boogers are human boogers, which are good boogers, and the Mucus Men are made from boogers of an evil reindeer which are bad boogers."

"Wow, you learn something every day!"

"Yeah, like how stupid you are.."

"Hey, what did you say?"

"Nothing."

"O.K., then, lets go to Rudolph's penthouse!"

The two weirdos drove to the mansion.

"How do we get all the way to the penthouse?"

"We use the snot grapple!"

Booger Man shot the disgusting thing to the penthouse. He grabbed onto it, and started to climb up the building.

"This is so cool! This is like the old campy Batman show in the 60's"

"Yeah whatever. Just hold on."

The heroes climbed up half of the way, but then the snot rope began to break.

"Ok. Now just grab onto the building and don't fall.."

It was too late. Dumb Spidy fell 25 stories down onto solid concrete.

"I'm O.K!" Spidy said.

Booger Man also fell, and now the two had to think.

"So how are we going to get to the top?"

"I know! We should take the elevator without being seen!"

"Good idea!"

They stepped in to the door.

Now hum the Mission: Impossible song as they make their way up to the penthouse. Start now.

They crawled on the floor trying to avoid the slimy Mucus Men and Snot Samurai.

This took about 11 hours so I'll just tell you that after hiding, running, walking, and farting, they finally made it to the elevator.

You can stop humming now.

They went in.

When they came out, they were at Rudolph's office. You couldn't see him, because he was sitting in a giant chair turned opposite of our heroes.

"We want the acorn!" Dumb Spidy yelled.

The chair turned and face them and they saw Rudolph.

He had a black robe covering most of his body. He hopped down onto the ground. He walked on two legs.

"So you want the acorn? Well I'll never give you it. I will use it to give me more power!"

"You're so cute.." Dumb Spidy said trying to pet the 3-foot evil animal.

Rudolph pulled out a red lightsabor.

"I'm not cute, I'm a Sith Lord and I am going to use the acorn to take over the galaxy, Mwa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

"That was random."

"Well you already know too much. I will have to kill you! I will bring you to the Snot Volcano tonight and watch you get melted away. Then I'll melt Santa, and then I'll take over the world and get revenge!"

Two Mucus Men grabbed Booger Man and Dumb Spidy and brought them to the Snot Volcano. They were going to drop them in!

Rudolph was as there eager to watch them die.

"Any last words?" Rudolph asked.

_Are our heroes going to be dropped into the lava by Rudolph the Sith lord? Or are they going to destroy the acorn and defeat Rudolph?_

_Find out in the next chapter! _


	6. The Sith lord

Dumb Spidy and Booger Man where hanging over boiling lava.

"Do you know how to get us out of this trap, Booger Man?" Dumb Spidy asked.

"I have my booger gun. If I shoot the rope, it'll get us out of here!"

"Well, DO IT!"

"OK! STOP YELLING!"

_What weirdos. How do they think they could stop me-a Sith Lord! _Rudolph thought as he laughed.

Booger Man cut the shot the rope with his gun, and they were set free. Now it was Booger Man and Dumb Spidy against 400 Mucus Men, and a Sith Lord.

"Now what do we do?"

"Roll over them as I fight Rudolph."

"Ok."

Dumb Spidy found some food, and ate, ate, ate as Booger Man went to Rudolph.

"I will defeat you!"

"Really."

Booger Man started to shoot boogers at the Sith Lord but Rudolph just force pushed them away.

This repeated 30 times as Spidy was eating. Finally, Dumb Spidy was so fat, he could roll like a ball.

He rolled over all the mucus men, squashing them on the rocky ground.

It was pretty fun, until Spidy noticed all the snot smeared on his back and that the Mucus Men morphed together to create a giant snot warrior 50-feet tall.

"Wow, this story just gets weirder and weirder." Dumb Spidy said as he charged toward the gigantic beast made of icky slime.

Meanwhile, Booger Man was being thrown around by the 3-foot reindeer.

"No one can stop me! When I use the unknown power in the acorn, I will take over the world!"

"Oh, shut up." Booger Man had his gun pointed at the pint-sized evil wannabe.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Dumb Spidy yelled when he got stepped on by the giant.

Booger Man shot a booger at Rudolph and it knocked the Sith Lord out.

"I'll help you!" Booger Man said as he went to Spidy.

"How in the world will we stop this gross monster?"

"Do you still have the snot cannon?"

"I'm right a head of you!"

Booger Man positioned the cannon at the giant.

He was going to shoot it, but the giant stepped on it.

"Back to the drawing board."

"Oh-I know! You said that human boogers hurt evil, right, well maybe if I blow my nose on the giant, it would die!"

"That plan is just stupid enough to work!"

So then, Dumb Spidy stepped to the giant.

"Hey-go pick on someone your own length!"

"It's size."

"Whatever."

Then Dumb Spidy, using the power that he got from the Dumb Juice, sneezed all over the giant.

The giant melted and the ground was covered in sticky snot.

The two heroes defeated the Mucus Giant! Now all was left was destroying the acorn by throwing it in the lava.

"Not so fast," Rudolph said as he gained consciousness, "I will burn you up using my lighting !"

Unfortunately, he accidentally used it on himself, and he got burned up and fell in the lava.

"That was easy! Now go and drop the acorn in the lava!" Booger Man said.

Dumb Spidy stepped to the lava. The acorn was in his hand.

"Drop it!"

"Never! It's my precious!"

"What?"

"Sorry. I've always wanted to say that."

Dumb Spidy dropped the acorn in the lava and it glowed red and green. Then it melted and burned up.

"Wow! We did it! We defeated Rudolph, the Mucus Men, and we destroyed the acorn! Can this day get any better?"

Then, as fast as lightning, Santa rode to them in his sleigh. He was fat, and as cheery as ever!

"Hop in, this volcano is going to blow!" Dumb Spidy and Booger Man went in the sleigh and Santa rode them back to their homes.


	7. The Final Chapter

1 day later

Dumb Spidy and Santa Clause where at Spidy's mansion.

"So, did I do a good job?"

"Actually, it was a big waste of time!"

"What!"

"Well, the power of the acorn only made me fat, and I was going to go on a diet anyway."

"What about Rudolph?"

"Well, he would have used the power, and all it would have done was made him fat, thus making him powerless."

"So it would have been better if we never had this adventure?"

"Yup."

"Well, maybe Booger Man and I could be partners! Where is he anyway?"

"On vacation in the Bahamas."

"Why?"

"He needed a vacation from someone."

"Who?"

"You."

**THE END**

I hoped you liked the story. Review with any reviews, questions, or comments. Bye!


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